and this has also something to do with me, see. with my own being, with the way that i am and the way i've been built. because really getting to me is harder than climbing up a mountain cliff but once you're rooted in me, you're there for life. and it's so annoying! it's so annoying because no matter what happens my faith never wavers. i truly believe in the idea that everyone is different and irreplaceable, something you realize only when you lose someone you love. no one could take your spot, and trust me, they've tried! instead of making their own, they've tried so hard to be you but it's impossible, moonflower. you are you, and i'll never get that close to happiness again, but there's other feelings in life, and other things to love, and other ways of loving.
i simply cannot let go of things. of my rape, of matias, hell, even of boston; no wonder my accent is still just as fresh as the day i stepped out of that plane. and it's time that i learn how to, for both of our sakes.