and there i was. a fork in the road.
i knew i liked this girl for quite some time, and i wanted to get closer to her. she started progressively getting into the group and i sat out and felt a bit bitter because of that. i wanted to get into them too, not only because i liked them, but also because i wanted to have a reason to talk to her, to have something in common besides all the things we already had.
and that's when i realized that i still cared a lot about you. and that i'm the type of person who lives in the past and says sorry too much and takes the blame for everything,
and needs to learn how to let go.
you are not mine to take care of, or to consider, or to love. you are a stranger now. you are the past and in the past. and she is a future, a future i'd like to have very soon. it was the most trivial of things, you know? but it meant a lot at that moment. listening to their songs and hearing the audios she sent me because she was so excited over the fact that i was getting into them and hearing her sing those very same songs, it made really me happy. and when i found myself being happy i got even happier. when she's sad, i'm sad. i want to make her feel better. i want to make her laugh, i want her to be mine to take care of, to consider, to love. and i think that i'm finally, thankfully, starting to let you go. no, she won't replace you. i don't believe in that like your other former lover has professed. but i will not sacrifice the chance to ultimately hold her hand at one of their concerts for a ghost who lives in a black turtleneck and a purple necklace. living things in the flesh is so much better than living in your head, i told mati. and i'm going to stick to that until the very end.
goodnight, soru.