the buzz
the incessant buzz
people talking, talking
teasing and talking, nudes and selfies
the buzzing
day
night
incessant
needs
needs
i want
let's see each other
you're cute
stop the dick picks
how are you?
talk to me
talk to me
incessant buzzing in my waking sleep
my room dripped in the blues
of my phone's screen letting me know
that someone needs me
someone wants to talk to me
someone sent a nude
someone is bored
someone really likes me
buzzing
and the buzzing over and over every day every second
and there's nothing except for that constant never ending buzzing
empty and frantic and knocking against my skull like tiny bullets
like the tiny ticks of seconds
you're alone
you're alone
you're surrounded by people but
you're still alone
never ending
loneliness constant constant like time, like death
and it wasn't always like this
being with you didn't feel this consuming
it was nice
it was wonderful to have someone need me
the nice weight of meaning something to someone
other than a fill in for a crack in a wall
my arms are scratched and i feel sick
i want to throw up
i want to throw up
i'm tired of getting drunk
i'm tired of being used
i want to throw up
i want to see you
"i just want to see you"
i hate this indifference
i'd rather you hate my guts
cut me out of your lyrics
and swear at me up and down
than this weightless spectre that looms
around the corner of an avenue
or a subway station
i'm sick and i'm tired and i want to go to bed
for a very long time
i want
to go
to bed