In these few past weeks I've been burning myself each time I wake up. I rub my eyes and I make a bun and I walk to the bathroom with a lighter in my hand and just do it. Anywhere, really. My thighs almost always and some on my arms and even behind my neck when I'm particularly sleepy; my knuckles, my knees. And it's the sharpness of the first touch against skin that makes my eyes wide and I find my body again. I haven't been feeling like myself, as always, but the shock of the white heat reminds me of Iceland and that I have a great girlfriend and amazing friends and such possibilities laid out for me without even trying. Almost like a punishment, almost. But it's more like a wake-up call, a blunt reminder that I can't fall, I have to float. I'm not allowed to be sad, or lost, or weak. I don't have time for that, or the luxury. So, it's just a quick second, that I remind myself I'm still here, I can't sleep now. It's time to face it. Face everything