I saw you and it was a punch in the gut a nosebleed with no blood a knife stab with no blade I saw you with your cousin and she cried out my name and she ran up to me her eyes a stormy grey and her blonde hair plaited in perfect German tradition a proud heiress of the family not like the failed fuck you you think you are but how could she know? And she hugged my knees and looked up at me with those silver coins and asked me why I didn't come around to play anymore and I felt it I felt my soul finally crumble I felt it and the moment I met those very same grey eyes framed by the strands of your maple tree brown hair I felt the shards blow in the wind and I am a carcass a walking shell i have been reduced to dust by that little girl who grew 5 inches and the memory of your naked shoulders and your tiny smiles and your quiet remarks that would leave me amazed and I wanted to be a part of that forever I wanted to watch her grow be an aunt I believed your words I believed you even when you wouldn't say I love you you still promised me so many things a future and happiness and where the fuck is that now I don't want it but I do and I love you and saying no is easier but it'll never be easy it'll just be a little less easier there is no future
with you
there never was